We Must Return to the Office to Use AI in Person
This satirical piece critiques corporate return-to-office mandates through the lens of a fictional, dystopian company called Mondo Mayo. The author uses dark humor to mock excessive management, AI surveillance, and the absurdity of mandatory in-office attendance.
Why it matters
It reflects contemporary anxieties regarding corporate culture, AI integration, and the push for RTO policies.
When I awoke on RTO Day (officially “Remain to Office,” since management maintained that I’d misremembered and we’d always been in office six days a week), I was not as excited as I should have been. I felt queasy at the thought of signing the Memorandum of Loving RTO as a condition of my continued employment.
I was an Associate Slop Doula for Mondo Mayo, founded as a mayonnaise company, which now sells consumer packaged goods, software as a service, and surveillance technology, and is one of three large corporations remaining on Earth. At the time, I didn’t think a full, six-day-per-week, fourteen-hour-per-day, in-office schedule was necessary to discharge my duties clicking the GENERATE button, followed by the APPROVE button, thousands of times a day on SlurryHose. But experience has shown me that I was wrong. Here’s why RTO is essential.
Mondo Mayo is guided by our Core Principles:
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