The value of not getting to the point (2015)
The author reflects on the social function of small talk and the importance of conversational 'warm-ups' before addressing serious topics. The piece explores how indirect communication can facilitate deeper emotional connection.
Why it matters
It offers a psychological perspective on human communication patterns and the value of patience in interpersonal relationships.
I read somewhere recently, I forget where, that the purpose of people getting together for a conversation over a beer or coffee or lunch or dinner is that it the food and drink spare us from the burden of needing to have something to say throughout the whole conversation.
This was a revelation to me. All this time, I assumed that the primary purpose of lunch was lunch. All this time, I figured that I was just lousy at conversation because being an introvert made conversation awkward and laborious for me. For everyone else, conversation seems comparatively effortless. But it seems from this data that conversation must be harder for everyone else than I had assumed.
My oldest daughter is a freshman in college. She recently texted me and said she wanted to talk. I asked, what about? She got annoyed at me for asking.
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