My mother expected me to call every Sunday. I expect almost nothing from my kids.

The author (not pictured) wants to break the cycle in her family. Dave G Kelly/Getty Images Guilt was a parenting tool passed down through generations in my family. I intentionally rejected that approach while raising my five children. Now I'm learning that asking for connection isn't the same as manipulation. I come from a long line of mothers who have mastered the art of guilt as manipulation . I believe it started with my great-grandmother. I never met her, but I've been told that she ruled her home with an iron fist in a velvet glove, commanding her 11 children to bend to her will. The stories my mother told me of visits to her grandmother's home painted a picture of a dark and foreboding place. I was never intimidated by my grandmother My grandmother, Dora's daughter, was different.